I opened the window, the air breathed green again
I said to him.
"You've given me everything I needed to learn.
And everything I could never quite touch
is mine now.
A tear leaked down my cheek.
Given the choice, I would always choose him as him,
over him as concept.
him as memory.
him as experience.
him as lesson.
him as story.
But knowing I cannot choose
and knowing what he would want to be
since he cannot be himself any more.
Then I shall open my arms to all of it.
Today is the first day of my life.
Today I embrace.
I hold my life again, with him, still breathing into it.
Today I say,